I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
