I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
