it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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