You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
