Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
