I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
