Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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