Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
