I have demons in me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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