Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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