had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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