she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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