he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
