I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
