Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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