In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
