For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
