It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
