Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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