That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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