Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
