Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
