Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
