hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
