i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
