its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
