im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
