You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
