Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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