He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
