Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
