Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
