I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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