In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
