i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
