He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
