apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
