she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
