I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
