I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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