The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
