I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
