Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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