No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
