you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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