So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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