Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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