Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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