Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
