My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We got so high we made milksteak
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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