Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
