At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
