If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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