One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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