I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
