the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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