I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
