When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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