you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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