the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
