apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
