Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
