Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
