there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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