Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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