I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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