I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
