You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
