I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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