Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
