Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
