I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
sex in a hospital.. check
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
