Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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