a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.