I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up