Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
