That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?