just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
