toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think my vagina is haunted
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The air taste purple.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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