Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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