I just saw a hot homeless man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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