True but thats because hes a fetus.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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