she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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